A story About Super Vampires
by whythehellnot0000
Summary: This is the story of the dark past of a seemingly normal family of vampires living in Forks, Washington, a paranormal town which seems to be continuously attacked by other vampires and really really really cloudy.


This is the story of the dark past of a seemingly normal family of vampires living in Forks, Washington, a paranormal town which seems to be continuously attacked by other vampires and really really really cloudy.

The year was 1962. It was rainy in Forks. I was at my office when the phone rang,jarring me out of my deep contemplation whether we as a people of vampires do in fact have a soul or not. This was a continuous debate between me and my bestest buddy and most favorite son, Edward.

"Hello, to whom may I have the honor of speaking to?" I began suspiciously.

"It's me, Esme." It was Esme, my wife, she was clingy at best, but she has been my most faithful companion for the past... time... "I wanted to call and tell you that Edwards trying to kill himself again. We should really get him a girlfriend."

"I have no time for petty things like that. I'm a very busy man and can't be bothered with things like a suicidal adolescent son!"

"Gasp!" she gasped. "How could you say that about your only son?!" In the background I could hear vague noises of protest from my other not as angsty sons. Our conversation was interrupted by sirens wailing in the distance and the poignant smell of fresh blood.

"Honey, I can't talk! There's danger afoot!" I shouted as crushed the phone in my marbly diamond-like hands, cutting short her torrent of paranoid ramblings about our most important son. I ripped my clothing off, revealing my my green spandex clad body, topped with a white doctors coat. I adjusted my mask which stood out in stark contrast against my pale statuesque skin. I looked around, checking to be sure that no one had seen me becoming my alter ego. They hadn't.

Running out of my office, I followed the scent of smoke. As I sprinted to the scene of the crime I heard shouting possibly inspired by fear or pain.

"Stand down, Doctorman! There is no way that you can stop me without the help of you team mates! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...ha!"

"No they have super-hearing, they're already on their way!"

"But I've already caused damage to this fair town of Forks!"

"But, we can still save lives! For the children!"

"But you're just standing there now!"

"So are you."

Suddenly the others appeared out of nowhere. Before me, there stood, Edweird- with the ability to read a person, vampire, werewolf, and\or other humanoid's mind, Confederateman- able to manipulate the emotions of even the most racist, Intimidatingman- visually the most intimidating on our team, and Alice- who sees decisions made by people, after they've made them.

Esme was at home cleaning and Rosalie could have joined us, but was too preoccupied with her strong desire to be of us were adorned in heroic looking outfits. Edward, my favorite son, wore a bright pink bejeweled hoodie that gave him the ability to wallow in his misery and sulk like a teenager. Confederateman or Jasper, as we knew him, was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but he had a cape. Well, really it was just a confederate flag wrapped around his neck. Next came Intimidatingman, or as we knew him, Emmett. We just make him wear scary stuff. (insert imagination here). Lastly, there was Alice. She didn't get a name, seeing as how she was a woman. She just wore whatever she wanted to, with a mask.

We all ran at the vampire that stood before us. There was a women with flaming red hair who seemed to be eyeing Edward, but that could have just been her staring at his pink hoodie. We defeated her with ease. Probably due to our massive arsenal of skill. She fled the scene barely undead.

In celebration we decided to go drink some blood, that I kept in a secret compartment of my desk in my office. We, were making our way home, when two figure jumped out in front of us.

"Who are you?!" I shouted. One of them took a step towards me.

"I cannot tell a lie. I am Abraham Lincoln... Vampire Hunter!" he thundered. I heard a gasp from behind me.

"No not you!" exclaimed Jasper fearfully.

"What is it Jasper?" Alice asked, "I just sensed that you are fearful of something.

"That is the man that killed off all the vampires in the south. Tricking us at the battle of Gettysburg into thinking that the silver was on an actual railroad, rather than traveling through the underground!"

"Yes! I am! And I did!" the figure replied, pulling out an axe, the tip coated in silver.

"Noooooooo!" cried Jasper, "the only thing that can kill me!"

The rest of us looked on in confusion. We thought the only way to kill a vampire was ripping them apart and setting them en fuego. I saw realization dawn on Edward's face.

"What is it, Favorite son?"

"Since Jasper was a confederate and a racist, these tools of death affect him, but not us!"

"Edward knows why, Carlisle," Alice exclaimed.

"Of course," I said. "He can read minds."

the other figure stepped out from the shadows jarring us from our private conversation. "We are here to rid this world of the evil confederate vampires that engulfed the south that no one seemed to notice."

Suddenly the police clad forms of the Volturi emerged from the shrubs around us, casting passive-aggressive glances around the group until resting on Lincoln.

"Hey! OMG! I totally haven't seen you in like forever." The smallest female squealed.

"Watch out! They are friends with the Vampire Cops!" Alice warned.

"Sup J. How's it been hanging?" Abe responded

"Good. Good." Suddenly Jane's grin grew impossibly wider as her eyes fell on Henry, the other vampire who had started to attack them. "Henry! How've you been? You guy's are tight to?"

"Yeah we're cool," he responded nodding his head in her direction.

"Oh my God," I hissed to the rest of my family, "what do we do? They know the Vampire Cops!"

"Well, they only really want Jasper. We could just give them him," Emmett suggested, cheerily.

"No!" Edward broke in, his moody voice mixing with the shadows, "I can read their minds-"

"Yes. We know that," Jasper said sullenly.

"-and I can tell that they're going to leave peace and go get hot coco, even though they're vampires and can only eat blood." He finished angstily.

While we had this discussion the Vampire cops, Abe and Henry and had seemed to have made their way over to the ice cream parlor and were catching up on old times, while sipping hot cocoa, spiked with A positive.

We continued to argue on whether it was morally right to give up one of our own in order to wave ourselves (we had completely ignored Edwards comment). And we probably would have continued to bicker if it hadn't been for Esme calling us to encourage me by stating that I was "a vampire doctor superhero, who also went to law school," and that I, "can do anything you believe!"

The End

...Or is it...


End file.
